Brutal honesty needed to untangle Stormers' mess
OPINION: The Stormers need to address the imbalance in their selections and playing strategy if they want to become a side that can win trophies as well as entertain.
Are the Stormers a serious rugby team?
This is a bit like asking whether the Harlem Globetrotters are a real basketball team, or whether WWE is a real sport.
Maybe it’s enough for the Stormers to be rugby’s great entertainers.
Maybe we shouldn’t judge a potentially great team by its results.
Maybe we should relax and soak up the vibe. Right?
I’ve thought about the above at length while watching the Stormers at the Cape Town Stadium over the past month or so.
There have been moments where the sheer audacity and skill of Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu, Warrick Gelant and others have got me out of my seat, along with the rest of the crowd.
Unfortunately, these moments have been followed by a botched restart, exit or defensive set that has led to a score at the other end of the park.
Watching from the press box, I’ve muttered something along the lines of “Classic Stormers”.
Sitting next to me, veteran rugby writer Gavin Rich has responded with, “Maybe entertainment is all that matters to them.”
Ultimately, the routine has concluded with Rich and I agreeing that those in charge of this team haven’t got their priorities right.
So, are the Stormers a serious rugby team?
They certainly aren’t serious title contenders – and haven’t been for some time.
Since winning the United Rugby Championship in 2022 – a remarkable triumph against incredible odds – they have regressed in key departments and their shortcomings have been reflected in their results.
This past season, the Stormers failed to qualify for the Champions Cup play-offs for the first time.
After losing to Glasgow Warriors 10-27 in the quarterfinals last year, John Dobson’s charges fared even worse in the play-off staged in Scotstoun this past Friday, going down 18-36.
Dobson himself described it as the worst performance in recent years.
According to the URC stats, the Stormers have been the leading attacking team overall this season, ranking first for offloads and clean breaks, fourth for metres made, and sixth for tries.
Unfortunately, they’ve conceded the third-most turnovers on attack. As great as it’s been to watch them push the envelope, their decision-making and execution has been erratic and has often compromised their ability to control and win matches.
Unlike log-leaders Leinster, who complement their ball-in-hand endeavour with plenty of well-aimed kicks, the Stormers are at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Back in 2022, the Stormers kicked more than any other team. This season, the Cape side has ranked 13th for kicks from hand and kick metres (while Leinster ranks first in both departments).
The URC lists the Stormers as the 16th-ranked defensive team in the tournament.
They’ve made fewer tackles than any other side but have also recorded the worst tackle success rate (76%).
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Defence defined the title-winning side of 2022, and the Stormers led the stats for turnovers won.
This season, however, they’re ranked 13th in that department.
The scrum impressed in Glasgow last Friday, and for a period, kept the visitors in the contest.
But throughout the season, the Stormers’ set piece has been woefully inconsistent, and is ranked stone last for scrums won.
It’s worth noting how many key players the Stormers have lost in recent seasons – and how that has impacted the balance of the current side.
Steven Kitshoff was forced to retire recently, robbing the Stormers of a leader as well as a brilliant scrummager, defender and breakdown exponent.
Another double World Cup-winner in Frans Malherbe has struggled with injuries in recent months.
Deon Fourie and Ruhan Nel were two crucial pieces to the defensive puzzle in 2022, but have had their own injury problems in subsequent seasons.
Fourie’s work at the breakdown lent the Stormers an edge, while Nel added some intelligence and grunt to a backline stacked with attacking talent.
The suspension of Damian Willemse on the eve of the play-offs was a further setback, given the player’s experience and physicality in the No.12 channel.
Dobson and company have battled to replace these players, and the overall performances and results have dipped.
Dobson is one of the most honest coaches in professional rugby, and it’s been interesting to note how critical he’s been over the past season.
On at least three occasions, he’s used the phrase “this is the worst performance”, either to describe a particular defensive display or the overall showing.
Clearly, something is not working, either in the coaching box or in terms of the communication between the coaches and the players.
It’s possible to win and entertain, providing the right balance is struck within the team.
The Springboks possess some of the best attacking players in the world, and in 2024, they took their attack to a whole new level.
That attacking success, of course, was closely linked to the success of the scrum, defence and kicking game.
Forwards such as Eben Etzebeth, Pieter-Steph du Toit, Kwagga Smith and others continue to set the standard for work rate.
Grafters like Damian de Allende and Jesse Kriel are as crucial to the backline cause as Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu, Cheslin Kolbe, Kurt-Lee Arendse and Aphelele Fassi.
Overall, there is a great appreciation for how each player fits into the game plan.
Sadly, that understanding appears to be lacking at the Stormers.
Indeed, some of the moments at Scotstoun this past Friday were so comedically bad they deserve to be overlayed with the Benny Hill theme song.
Which brings us back to the question at the top of this column: Are the Stormers a serious rugby
team?
Coaches, players and even the administrators need to find an answer in the coming months, as the franchise builds towards the 2025-26 season.
The Stormers aren’t the Harlem Globetrotters, and as much as rugby would love to attract more fans, this isn’t the WWE.
Results matter, and a group this talented should be held to a higher standard, now and in the years to come.
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