Bumbling Bulls trample hapless Rebels

Whatever this was it was not worthy of Super Rugby – Super with a capital S or with a small s. It was bizarre, at times farcical. It's only value to the competition was that it underlined the value of the change to 'three tries more' criterion for a bonus point. The Bulls got what they deserved, no more.

There was just a sprinkling of spectators at the ground which in days of yore would have been packed for such an occasion. Whether this funny win will encourage people to come back remains to be seen.

After 45 minutes, the Bulls had scored six tries to nil. In the next 35 minutes they scored just one lame-duck penalty while the Rebels scored four tries, largely thanks to their opponents' feebleness.

Just one little stat is worth noting. In this match the Bulls were penalised 15 times for tackle-related  infringements – 15 times to the four times of the Rebels. Either the Bulls were wrong – ignorant, willful or careless – or the referee was wrong. It makes no sense, certainly not if this is touted as the best competition for professional rugby players in the world. It can't be, unless rugby really is sick at heart.

Just passing a rugby ball does not mean that the rugby is good and creative, nor does a plethora of tries mean that a match was good. In this match the Bulls had forwards pretending they were backs and the backs hiding away. That was not good rugby. It was a match of 10 tries, but it was not a good rugby match. Earlier in the day the Highlanders played the Hurricanes and just two tries were scored but the standard of rugby in that match was much, much higher.

But enough said for now. Maybe it was the fault of the great heat as rugby becomes a summer sport.

Almost certainly the most memorable happening in the match was when Warrick Gelant kicked the ball into Jan Serfontein's backside. People will see that all over the world. They may as well enjoy it because it will not happen again – at least not in serious, professional rugby.

The details of the match follow.

The Rebels threatened first when lanky Jack Debreczeni broke clean through with Ben Meehan on his right but just when a try looked certain the pass went astray. But when young RG Snyman was penalised at a tackle, Debreczeni goaled. 3-0 after 3  minutes. The next time the Rebels scored, 42 minutes later, the score was 42-3.

The first Bulls' try came when they went right and then left with Burger Odendaal getting outside his marker and sending Bjorn Basson over in the left corner. As he usually does Francois Brummer converted. 7-3 after 11 minutes.

The Rebels could have gone ahead. They attacked the hesitant Bulls' defenders and Adam Thomson was free to score in the left corner. The veteran All Black bent down over the line, dropped the ball and kicked it into touch-in-goal.

It was that sort of game.

The Bulls again went right and then left where Basson drew his man and sent flank Nic de Jager racing down the left. He swerved inside Jonah Placid and was over for the try. 14-3 after 19 minutes.

The most delightful part of the whole of the match was a single pass. The Bulls were shuffling right when prop Marcel van der Merwe got the ball and with Davis Campese skill and nonchalance he lobbed a pass over his shoulder to Travis Ismaiel who scored. 21-3 after 38 minutes.

There was just time for the Bulls to score another. From their right they attacked down the left and as he was being bundled into touch at the cornerflag Warrick Gelant flicked a one-handed pass infield which Jannes Kristen caught as he fell over in the corner. 35-3, which was the half-time score.

In the first minute of the second half the Bulls attacked down the left and Gelant sent a delicate grubber infield. Basson chased and snatched the ball in front of the nose of reluctant Tom English, spun round and scored his second try. 35-3.

Some 11 metres inside their half, the Rebels went right and Tamati Ellison passed to his right – straight to Basson who ran to score his hat-trick try under the crossbar. 42-3.

The Rebels were looking pedestrian but a penalty gave them a line-out on their left. They moved the ball to the far right where Jonah Placid ran past  Basson, who made little attempt to stop him, and scored a try. 42-10 after 49 minutes.

This score seemed to give the Rebels a bit of life while the Bulls persisted in indifference.,

Serfontein was penalised. He found it amusing and passed the ball to Meehan who was standing on the five-metre line to take a tap kick. Meehan took the tap and scored. 42-15 after 52 minutes.

Another penalty gave the Rebels another attacking line-out and hooker James Hansen got over for the try. 42-20 after 56 minutes.

The Bulls kicked a penalty out for a five-metre line-out, their first attempt to protect their three-try advantage but they overthrew the line-out and the Rebels got away.

With 18 minutes to go, Brummer goaled a penalty. 45-20. Presumably the Bulls felt in danger of losing the match.

After many passes, met by feeble defence, Meehan scored his second try and removed a bonus point from the Bulls. 45-25 with 11 minutes to go.

The last act of the match was a twinkletoed break by Pretoria-born Japanese threequarter Kotaro Matsushima. He raced for the line and looked likely to score till Gelant flung him into touch near the cornerflag.

Man of the Match: Marcel van der Merwe for that opass, the best rugby moment of the match.

The scorers:

For the Bulls:

Tries: Basson 3, De Jager, Ismaiel, Kirsten,

Cons: Brummer 6

Pens: Basson

For the Rebels:

Tries: Placid, Meehan 2, Hanson

Cons: Debreczeni

Pens: Debreczeni

Teams:

Bulls: 15 Warrick Gelant, 14 Travis Ismaiel, 13 Jan Serfontein, 12 Burger Odendaal, 11 Bjorn Basson, 10 Francois Brummer, 9 Rudy Paige, 8 Arno Botha, 7 Jannes Kirsten, 6 Nic de Jager, 5 Grant Hattingh, 4 Rudolph Snyman, 3 Marcel van der Merwe, 2 Adriaan Strauss (captain), 1 Trevor Nyakane.

Replacements: 16 Jaco Visagie, 17 Lizo Gqoboka, 18 Hencus van Wyk, 19 Jason Jenkins, 20 Roelof Smit, 21 Piet van Zyl, 22 Tian Schoeman, 23 Dries Swanepoel

Melbourne Rebels: 15 Jonah Placid, 14 Dom Shipperley, 13 Tamati Ellison, 12 Mitch Inman, 11 Tom English, 10 Jack Debreczeni, 9 Ben Meehan, 8 Lopeti Timani, 7 Sean McMahon (captain), 6 Adam Thomson, 5 Steve Cummins, 4 Luke Jones, 3 Laurie Weeks, 2 James Hanson, 1 Toby Smith.

Replacements: 16 Pat Leafa, 17 Cruze Ah Nau, 18 Jamie Hagan, 19 Sam Jeffries, 20 Jordy Reid, 21 Mick Snowden, 22 Kotaro Matsushima, 23 Dan Hawkins.

Referee: Ben O'Keeffe (New Zealand)

Assistant referees: Mike Fraser (New Zealand), Stuart Berry (South Africa)

TMO: Marius Jonker (South Africa)

The Bulls are kicking ass today #BULvREB #SuperRugby @followthebounce @FrontRowGrunt pic.twitter.com/BNQuRF05Q2

— Joe Steyn-Begley (@JoeSteyn) March 5, 2016