England's accidental tourists - the backs
England are travelling to South Africa with a squad peppered with virtual unknowns, so in a spirit of information, here is the lowdown on England’s new kids on the block – and a few kind words on the senior members too! We had the forwards on Wednesday, now the backs…
The Backs:
Anthony Allen (Gloucester)
Allen has been rumoured to be training using GPS after some rather silly lapses in his sense of direction during his early career. The truth is, the stray passes he threw were a result of trying too hard to create, a quality not often seen in the English back-line. During those games it could be argued that he showed more promise than Jamie Noon’s entire career to date.
Test Chances – 1/2. Ashton’s eye for creativity is blinded by this talent.
Mike Brown (NEC Harlequins)
Already he’s outpaced the likes of Bruce Reihana and Alesana Tuilagi in the Premiership, Brown looks to be becoming what Iain Balshaw promised to be. This might be a tour too early but you’ve got to sink or swim.
Test Chances – 2/2. He must be given the experience.
Iain Balshaw (Gloucester)
More fragile than porcelain and broken far more often, SA 2007 is yet another recall for a man who has had more comebacks than Heinz Salad Cream. Whether or not his salad days are over is a moot point; his footwork is sure to dazzle but if he falls on the concrete of the ‘Vaal will his dreams be shattered along with his body?
Test Chances – 1/2. Handle with care.
Andy Farrell (Saracens)
The automaton returns. This year, Farrell looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting an army of second generation Terminators. Like Arnie, every time he did just enough to survive but ended up pretty battered. However if you’d want one man in the inside defence channel it would be the former Iron Man of League.
Test Chances – 2/2. He might end up at 10.
Toby Flood (Newcastle Falcons)
With his propensity for flapping arms, one might be forgiven for wondering if Flood will be a prime suspect if Avian Flu breaks out in SA during the tour. So far he’s promised much but he’s delivered little.
Test Chances – 1/2. Flapping but not taking off.
Andy Gomarsall (NEC Harlequins)
Despite having a pass that Barnes Wallace would have been proud of, Gomarsall knows how to win games. Not that he’s won too many with England. However his selection makes sense and he knows the game inside out.
Test Chances – 2/2. Bouncing bombs.
Jamie Noon (Newcastle Falcons)
Being paired with Mike Tindall would have tested even Leonardo da Vinci’s inventiveness. When you have the creative style of Jamie Noon then you might win, but you’ll win ugly. Not the future of England centre play but honest, and he’ll be sure to figure.
Test Chances – 1/2. Please, Brian – no!
Shaun Perry (Bristol)
A scrum-half out of the Nick Young’s mould, Perry’s ever expanding waistline suggests he still stops for the teabreaks he enjoyed in his previous job as a welder. His performance on the international stage have looked overawed and rushed, but his Bristol form is epic.
Test Chances – 1/2. Rabbit in the headlights.
Pete Richards (Gloucester)
He has pace, but unusually for a scrum-half he does not known when or where to pass. Quite how he connects from the forwards is a mystery to all.
Test Chances – 2/2. Impact only.
Jason Robinson (Sale Sharks, captain)
Billy Whizz is more Billy Canter these days by his standards, but this still means he’s more than adequate at whatever level he plays. At his best he could beat 9 or 10 men. These days he’s happy beating 3 or 4.
Test Chances – 2/2. A true professional on a truly unprofessional tour.
James Simpson-Daniel (Gloucester)
A player that is constantly mentioned but six years on is still talked of in terms of potential. In truth, if he had ever produced what his reputation suggested he’d have 50 caps. This really is his last chance to transform himself from zero to hero – all he needs is just one injury-free run.
Test Chances – 1/2. Nearly a nearly man.
David Strettle (NEC Harlequins)
The last England wing to show such composure in a debut season was Rory Underwood. Strettle continues to improve and the hard ground in SA might showcase his talents to the rugby world. A true thoroughbred, despite an uncanny resemblance to a young Paul Weller.
Test Chances 2/2 Let his talent shine.
Mathew Tait (Newcastle Falcons)
Tait is the north’s answer to James Simpson-Daniel. His career so far has vacillated between rag doll and newly-invented ‘determined tackler’. In fairness, he shows promise but needs to settle into the rhythm his talent demands.
Tests 2/2. In some shape or form.
Jonny Wilkinson (Newcastle Falcons)
Poor old Jonny. It’s rumoured that his health insurers asked Lloyds of London to ring the bell when he was selected. The amazing thing is, he can have time out and come back straight in. No-one could ever doubt his class, however doing it at Twickenham is one thing, the hard velds of Bloemfontein and Pretortia are another thing altogether.
Test Chances – 1.356 games, in 9 different pieces.
