Get Newsletter

The ultimate descriptive XV

JUST FOR LAUGHS: The game of rugby is filled with many diverse characters and it would seem that these characters can be – to some extent – placed inside a box per position.

ADVERTISEMENT

We break down each position to describe the general traits associated with them. Have a good laugh and add your own descriptions in the comment section.

Loosehead prop
Moderately tall, bulky lad who is often aggressive when something obstructs his way to the bar, pie shop and occasionally a ruck. Does weights but no-one knows why.

Hooker
Short, fat lad with endless capacity for cheap booze and fascinated by women miles out of his league. Believes he has rugby nous and is an athlete.

Tighthead prop
Plump lad who believes he’s technically a good player with good hands. Everyone else thinks he just gets in the way. Does weights, no-one notices.

Lock
Big, hard lad who thinks he’s the enforcer. Wears shorts and flip flops all year round.

Lock
Looks funny when he runs. His long arms are useful in a bar but takes up too much space. Often very fit and yet last to arrive at the breakdown.

ADVERTISEMENT

Blindside flank
Proper hard man, who can disappear for 80 minutes. Never buys a round.

Openside flank
glory boy who will spend a lot of time in the emergency room, but when present, can carry a team. Often unpopular or young, or both.

No.8
Big bloke who talks a good game and describes himself as a footballer. Often vain, sometimes scruffy and has weird hobbies. Handy in a scuffle but best avoided socially.

Scrumhalf
The little guy who can get himself into trouble marginally faster than he can run away from it. Nothing is his fault.

ADVERTISEMENT

Flyhalf
There are two sorts, running or kicking. Generally, they don’t know which one they are until it’s too late. Unusually nice hair and overconfident in every situation until it’s too late.

Left Wing
Lanky speed merchant who can’t catch. Lives in a world of their own and always forget one item of kit, often boots.

Inside Centre
Often the best and fittest player. Limited social skills and terrified of women until the liquids kick in.

Outside Centre
Does everything the 12 doesn’t. Socially active, has a nice car, good job and demanding fitness regime as well as extensive debts.

Right Wing
The only reason he doesn’t score 10 tries in every game is because no-one can pass. Often a big lad who really looks the part and yet never quite has the impact you hope for.

Fullback
Secretly wants to play at 10 and buys the skipper lots of drinks. Too many hair products but useful source of spare socks and toiletries at away games.

Source: Eastern Cape Neck Dads

Join free

England v Ireland | World Rugby U20 Championship 2024 | Semi-Final Full Match Replay

New Zealand v France | World Rugby U20 Championship 2024 | Semi-Final Full Match Replay

Boks Office | Episode 14 | South Africa v Ireland Review Live

Aotearoa Rugby Podcast | Episode 21

South Africa v England | World Rugby U20 Championship 2024 | Pool C Full Match Replay

Embedded 2024 | England | Episode 3

France v Wales | World Rugby U20 Championship 2024 | Pool A Full Match Replay

Walk the Talk | Brodie Retallick | The King of the Skies

Write A Comment