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The ultimate descriptive XV

JUST FOR LAUGHS: The game of rugby is filled with many diverse characters and it would seem that these characters can be – to some extent – placed inside a box per position.


We break down each position to describe the general traits associated with them. Have a good laugh and add your own descriptions in the comment section.

Loosehead prop
Moderately tall, bulky lad who is often aggressive when something obstructs his way to the bar, pie shop and occasionally a ruck. Does weights but no-one knows why.

Short, fat lad with endless capacity for cheap booze and fascinated by women miles out of his league. Believes he has rugby nous and is an athlete.

Tighthead prop
Plump lad who believes he’s technically a good player with good hands. Everyone else thinks he just gets in the way. Does weights, no-one notices.

Big, hard lad who thinks he’s the enforcer. Wears shorts and flip flops all year round.

Looks funny when he runs. His long arms are useful in a bar but takes up too much space. Often very fit and yet last to arrive at the breakdown.


Blindside flank
Proper hard man, who can disappear for 80 minutes. Never buys a round.

Openside flank
glory boy who will spend a lot of time in the emergency room, but when present, can carry a team. Often unpopular or young, or both.

Big bloke who talks a good game and describes himself as a footballer. Often vain, sometimes scruffy and has weird hobbies. Handy in a scuffle but best avoided socially.

The little guy who can get himself into trouble marginally faster than he can run away from it. Nothing is his fault.


There are two sorts, running or kicking. Generally, they don’t know which one they are until it’s too late. Unusually nice hair and overconfident in every situation until it’s too late.

Left Wing
Lanky speed merchant who can’t catch. Lives in a world of their own and always forget one item of kit, often boots.

Inside Centre
Often the best and fittest player. Limited social skills and terrified of women until the liquids kick in.

Outside Centre
Does everything the 12 doesn’t. Socially active, has a nice car, good job and demanding fitness regime as well as extensive debts.

Right Wing
The only reason he doesn’t score 10 tries in every game is because no-one can pass. Often a big lad who really looks the part and yet never quite has the impact you hope for.

Secretly wants to play at 10 and buys the skipper lots of drinks. Too many hair products but useful source of spare socks and toiletries at away games.

Source: Eastern Cape Neck Dads

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