The view from the couch

John OConnor shares with us his thoughts on rugby, as the British and Irish Lions tour postmortems continue. John is not a full-time columnist, but he does have a unique way of getting his point across.

Like most Seffrican husbands and fathers, I know my role. It includes heavy lifting, Supreme Court of Reveal (as in ‘Wait until I tell your father’), carrying the credit card and standing over various malfunctioning household appliances with a tool in one hand while saying ‘This needs a professional’.

My position is a little trickier. Besides ‘He Who Must Be Obeyed’ who is in charge of my working hours; when wanting to know where I am supposed to be, I normally refer to my social secretary aka. The Perfumed Steamroller.

There is one notable exception. On any given Saturday afternoon I know I will be on a couch. Mostly it is my couch. It could also be the couch of a mate, so long as his fridge is well stocked and his family well trained. But whoever the owner of said couch may be; it is the view from the couch that is all important.

Now that the 2009 Lions tour is completed and the hysterical whining of the British press has faded into the distance, let’s reflect on a few things that were visible from the couch, but not mentioned in the mainstream media.

LOOKING BACK

Part One – Ah, the sweet ironies of life

There was a tremendous sense of déjà vu in the current series. Consider the following:

In 2009 the series winners were outscored by seven tries to five. In ’97 it was nine tries to three. The points differential in 2009 was +11 in favour of the team that LOST the series. Twelve years ago it was +7. With the exception of 80 minutes (the first sixty in Durban and the last twenty in Jo’burg), the winning team this time round was under the cosh throughout. In ’97, the winners were outplayed almost everywhere except on the scoreboard. Paul O’Connell will never appear on the cover of Vogue. Martin Johnson… well words fail me.

In the lead up to the just completed series, did anyone else wonder how the final test of the ’97 Lions tour seemed to have been forgotten? A score line of 35-16 to the Boks is, after all, a hiding.

Well my money is on history repeating itself – again. The shellacking that the Boks were given in the last test will be ignored in 2021, when we all hope to see the Lions return.

Part Two – Robbie Deans can only dream

In all the discussion around the last test, no mention has been made of how comfortable Ruan Pienaar looked when he came on to replace the world’s best scrumhalf. Remember the last time Pienaar played at No.9 was the 2008 Currie Cup Final. 

Fourie du Preez, Ruan Pienaar, Ricky Januarie, Jano Vermaak, Heini Adams and Rory Kockott.

South Africa’s depth in big, ball-carrying loose forwards is well documented. But for a nation that has battled to find another Naas, the talent available at scrumhalf is amazing.

Part Three – Have you bought a Lotto ticket lately, Schalk?

Jack van der Schyff was a well-regarded Springbok when he missed a penalty at the death in the first test against the 1955 Lions. The Boks lost by a point, the 1955 series was shared and van der Schyff never played for the Boks again. In the words of Doc Craven: “That kick ruined him. Not only because he missed it, but because of the unfair criticism leveled at him then, and for years afterwards. It broke him as a player… But for that single missed kick, he could well have been one of our most prolific points-scorers ever.”

Would all his great deeds in the green-and-gold been enough to save his reputation if Burger had received the red card he richly deserved and the Boks had gone on to lose the series? He would forever have been the villain that consigned us to another twelve years of sulking.

You are a very, very lucky lad Schalk.

Part Four – If you live by the sword, beware the knife in the back

There is little doubt that Bakkies Botha was hard done by. Much has been said and worn about the issue. And considering it probably cost him R100 000+ in lost match fees, the injustice of it must be tough to swallow.

But it also true that Bakkies’ behaviour on the field since making his debut in 2002 has at times been that of a prime pork chop. Within his first six tests he had visited the sin-bin and, in a separate incident, received an 8-week ban for “attacking the face” of Australia hooker Brendan Cannon. In May of this year he escaped a ban for giving Ryan Kankowski a flattie during a S14 game when the judicial officer ruled that he “pushed Kankowski (in the face) to release himself from the grasp of the Sharks player.” I know, I also can’t believe it.

Sometimes the chickens come home to roost, and they have a bad case of the runs.

LOOKING FORWARD

Part One – After 18 years, we’ve got one!

The one thing SA rugby had not found, developed or imported since returning from isolation is a true fetcher-flank. There was much discussion as to the reason for this lack when countries like New Zealand seemed to grow them on trees like we grow scrumhalves. Some put it down to the South African preoccupation with flankers playing left and right. Some said we couldn’t find them because they were all fetching beers for the Bok coach.

But that’s all history now. We’ve got one. And Robbie Deans and Graham Henry are not happy campers. Brüssow is not likely to steal as much opposition ball in the Tri-Nations, but what is more concerning for Messrs Deans and Henry is that their perennial pains in our proverbial (Messrs Smith and McCaw) are far less likely to steal or slow down Bok ball.

This is very important if the Boks want to play the de Villiers way – providing Twakkie doesn’t open his mouth in the next 3 weeks and blow of both lower limbs.

Part Two – Start saving now

In 2000, Nick Mallett lost his job as Springbok coach for telling a journalist that R350 was too much to charge for a test ticket. Nine years later the cost of a Lions test ticket was R1045. At that rate of increase, when the Lions return in 2021 expect to pay R4200 and home-school your children for a year.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Those of us who were fortunate enough to play with him will always say Bleddyn was a true rugby man for he taught us the old-fashioned principles of courtesy and courage.”

Something crystallized for me when I read the words of Cliff Morgan, the great singing flyhalf. He was speaking of his lifelong friend and Welsh and Lions teammate, the centre Bleddyn Williams.

There is a growing sense that something is bleeding away from the game of rugby, something very difficult to describe to anyone who hasn’t played the game. It is a sense of camaraderie, of being part of a brotherhood that is not limited to your team-mates but, uniquely to rugby, includes your opponents.

Both these men finished their playing careers long before I was born, but rugby could with a little more courtesy and courage.

Take a bow, John Smit.

BONUS QUOTE

“I don’t see how you can get eight weeks for attacking someone’s eyes”

No, this was not said this week or even last week. This was George Gregan, speaking in 2003 about… Bakkies Botha. Neither do I, George.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

Have you ever noticed Bakkies’ habit of kneeling down on the field for a quick prayer before the start of the game? Have you ever wondered what he is praying? Could it be something like: “Father, please forgive me for what I am about to do.”